I was given a name that I had never even thought of. A name so strange yet unique that it became a part of how I lived. It became a part of how people saw me and a part of how I saw myself since then. For what is it that this name drew me closer to nurture and discover angles of varied emotions that I thought were completely lost inside of me.

Growing up was never easy for me, I would ordinarily say that. For what is a life without a parent, a life without friends and a life lived through as consequences of the other's choices. It is easy to say that and quite relevant too. I've never known what it means to live under the umbrella of responsibility, to live with the safety of my belongingness and to live with the recognition of who I was. Maybe, that is why a sense of security overwhelms me with emotions that I thought were never inside. I sometimes wonder what would this name be if I could go back in time to fix it all the way. I know I think too much, for to think has always been an escape for me. An escape to the wider dimensions of reality, an escape to the world of people that are close to me, and an escape to parts of me that I continued to keep hidden as I grew up. While my thoughts have continued to take me to places that are yet unknown, the appreciation for its creativity by my peers have always helped me hold ground before my thoughts run into the darker sides of reality. But no ground is ever without cracks and maybe my venture into the darker sides could have been through one of those cracks that I consciously could never hold on to. It is difficult to ever find a space for the limits to think and also quite difficult to consciously ever go back to where it should have ended. For thoughts are like fluids that have no mass, yet weigh quite heavy. And as these thoughts would continue to increase, I could see myself growing distant to what I was before, trying to hold on to ideals and responsibilities that are still too naïve. I am often told to love myself a little bit more, for love lets you hold on to the parts about yourself that you never wish to lose. But what I was never told is that to love myself consciously was to also attend a hundred funerals of the person that I once used to be. Some good, some bad but some far more closer to me to lose.

As I walk myself into one of those funerals tonight where I let go of a once loved side of me, I could only but look back at people that once made an effort to hold back to a version of me that I once was. A version of me as a selfless friend, a version of me that knew no limit to love, and a version of me that was nothing more than a sensitive human. The Jordan's View has been a collection of thoughts that a once self proclaimed name thought about this world and its complexities. But as I look to end the series of untold explanations, I wish to write as the name that I will always be known for. A name that I had never even thought of. A name so strange yet unique that it became a part of how I lived. A name that has become a part of how people see me and a part of how I see myself. As a Swapneel Thakur that now chooses to view himself through an alternate perspective, the thought that I ever failed to practice could only tell you to consciously hold on tight to the grounds that separate you from the clutches of an alter reality. The ground people make from the power of love, the ground that people make from the sense of safety and the ground that people make from their essence of reality. For our minds are curious to know what's next but our hearts are soft to know what's present.